I've been keeping in touch with HBKorean by text since our big makeout night. Our texts have been pretty sporadic.. I've probably texted her like once a day save for Tuesday when I didn't text at all.
I didn't text more because I didn't want to come across needy. I also just wanted to feel her out .. see where she is in her game mentally with me. Here is our timeline:
Friday 12th
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The night of our makeout, I just thanked her for a good night and told her to have fun in SF. Didn't get a response.
Saturday 13th
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So the next day I texted 'miss ya.. hope u are having fun babe'. No response.
I felt a little weird, but I knew from that night, even though we madeout intensely, she was still very mixed in her feelings for me. I called her 'babe' on purpose.. just to start the 'frame'.
Sunday 14th
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The next day, valentine's day.. wasn't sure if I wanted to text again, but I figured.. I went all out that other night because we weren't going to see each other on V-day, so she is sorta my valentine, and I have an obligation to say something. So I texted "Happy valentine's dear.. and also wish you a happy chinese new year (in case she was celebrating it in SF)"
She responded back "Thx. I hope u still remember I said I need time. Happy valentine :)"
I felt much better.. the smile indicated she had some love for me haha. Good ol' smile.
So I texted back ":) I'm okay if you need time. I am just enjoying the moment for now. If it doesn't work out too it's okay <3". (<3 is the sign for 'love')
I didn't want to lay on her any sorta 'heavy' miss you or 'I love you' mushy stuff. My friend had told me that girls ignore you after makeouts or sex if there wasn't enough comfort for her level. It's basically the first level of LMR.. they fear that they are making a mistake by getting too crazy with you and then you'll leave them. It's like how guys have AA. HBKorean did call me out as a playboy that night and told me she was afraid to get hurt again.. she just went through a bad breakup.
So I decided to handle the LMR, by just agreeing with her, while 'escalating' slower. I framed it as "just enjoying the moment" instead of saying "I wanna be your boyfriend" or "I really hope you will be my girlfriend". I also threw in the "if it doesn't work out" part just to add some 'push' to the 'pull'.
She texted back "Cloud, I think we need to talk later, but at first have a nice weekend hopefully!"
So I texted back "You too!" (More agreement).
Monday 15th
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Next day, didn't really text til the end of the night. I call her 'ajumma' because it means old lady.. and she calls me 'ajushi' or old man (in korean). It's our way of poking a little fun at each other.. and I wanted to raise some attraction from our last few texts of straight comfort.
So I said "Hey ajumma, did you get home safe? ^^" (the ^^ means smiley face.. but it's more anime like -- she could know I'm just being playful).
She texted back "Not yet.. still at Stanford university".
"Oh how nice.. Today I went to Chinatown and had some really good pork buns and chinese bread for breakfast. So delicious"
I just storytold.. to show I had a life outside of her.. I figured a good story would help my case as not just a player.. but someone who is adventurous and likes good food. A little DHV for myself to help with comfort issues.
No further response.
Tuesday 16th
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She texted the next day that her battery had died out... and was sorry, she hadn't gotten home til 4am (she was in the car riding from SF).
"Thanks sweetie. I'll talk to you later this week. Have a great day at school!"
No further response.
Wednesday 17th
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I decide not to text her at all. By now I'm kinda worried about our relationship.. there's really no input from her. Should I dump her? I think to myself. Or should I give her more time, and just ignore her? Maybe ignoring will make her miss me and she'll contact me on her own.
She doesn't text me at all on her own. I feel depressed.. and contact other girls on my phone to hang out with. I text another girl I met at the big valentine's party in LA. She isn't so responsive either.. but later becomes my friend on Facebook.
Thursday 18th
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I log onto Facebook and find out HBKorean was 'on her way to recovering' in her FB status.. I wondered what it meant.. then thought she might have got hurt during the trip.
So I text her "Everything okay? I saw something about recovery on facebook. Did you get hurt?"
She comes online and tells me she caught a cold and was really sick for the last few days. I tell her I'm thankful she didn't break her arm or something.
HBKorean: "Haha. Were you worried?"
Cloud: "Yeah.. I thought you might have broken your arm or something... I was like wtf"
HBK: "Wtf? What does it mean?"
Cloud: "Oh it's a bad word.. don't learn it.."
HBK: "I wanna know!! Tell me.."
Cloud: "Haha.. I'll tell you some other day"
HBK: "W.. is what right?"
Cloud: "Yeah.."
HBK: "Ah, I think I got it.. haha wtf wtf wtf!!!"
Cloud: "You don't sound like a lady anymore... -______-"
HBK: "haha.. it's your fault.. you're a bad boy!"
Cloud: "I regret it.. that's why I need nice girls to balance me.."
HBK: "Haha.. don't make excuses.. anyway gotta do homework. Ttyl"
Cloud: "See ya"
HBK: "Thx. Bye!"
Not bad I think to myself.. I'm glad I'm pushing myself to go through with this 'weird' part of our relationship.. even if I feel a bit depressed, I want to study this since it's a new area for me, and just learn. It's practice.. there's a lot of things I don't understand yet, but at least by being in the moment and experiencing the awkwardness of this transitional phase between not yet a boyfriend and not quite a friend.. I will know how best to deal with it next time. If it all falls apart, I'm okay. If it goes to boyfriend, great. If it goes to sexy relationship, great. I am documenting everything so I can reflect on what I did later to get to those points. I won't be dumping her on my own at the moment.. that's just giving up and I won't learn anything.
Friday 19th
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Yesterday night's talk told me she was still attracted to me. I mean our banter was kinda funny.. and she tried to call me out as a bad boy -- so she was def leading the attraction sparks.
I figured, hmm.. okay I'm pretty safe if I invite her out. I was choding up a bit though, thinking.. what if she rejects my offer? Then I threw out my ego as a kage bunshin and said whatever.. if it blows up, that's the end haha. No time to think about this!
I sent her a quick text "Want to get some lunch together today?" I didn't call her babe or anything. I wasn't going to sexualize first.. let her do it, and if she leads with it like she did yesterday in the text with me, I'll close.
She texted back "My lunchtime is from 11 to 12:30, is that okay for you?"
Great! Back in the game.. said to myself. "How about we meet around 11:30 then?" (I was still at work).
"Good :)"
"Alright see ya then :)"
We met at the extension center lounge. I actually forgot to tell her where we were meeting.. I just assumed she'd know, but she texted me asking where I was, so I had to tell her the lounge.
Lunch was short.. I only had 45 min before I had to go to a meeting back at work. So I let her know that. She was playful, not as shy as before. She made faces at me when she came in but started laughing. I pretended to be shy and embarrassed which got her laughing. I suggested 'Flame Broiler' cause my other Korean friend mentioned it's like the closest food to traditional Korean food. It's also Korean owned. As I explained all this to HBKorean, she seemed really intrigued about this place.
She walked ahead of me a little, but I pulled her back.. and kept my arm slightly on the back of her waist. I was playful about it, not chody. She stopped running ahead after. We talked about her SF trip.. she didn't really enjoy it because she got sick.. and her hotel sucked. She also didn't celebrate Chinese new year and was disappointed there wasn't a Koreatown.
I told her there were some Korean restaurants in Japantown, and she said "SO! So what?". That's her being funny. "Well, so there you go! That's Koreatown! LOL." "Also many Koreans own Japanese restaurants there.. so Koreans share Japantown." It got some laughs even if it didn't make sense. Not making sense = sometimes is funny.
We had a good lunch, we talked about a lot of different things. She invested more in the conversation, and didn't pull back when I touched her as much. She told me about how Korea was first created.. apparently God came down and told all the animals that he was going to turn one of them into a human. But all the animals had to go through a test to determine the winner. The bear and the tiger were the best at all of 'God's tests' and it came down to a final test between the two. The bear ended up winning because the tiger gave up, and so the bear was turned into a woman. God then had a child with the woman and gave birth to more humans which became the Koreans. Pretty interesting I thought. I told her in America, bears are considered 'gay men' with beards and hairy chests. In a gay couple, there is always a bear and a twink.. one who is really hairy and one who is shaved. She bust out laughing hard. I made her feel my hairy arm, so she slapped it a couple times acting grossed out at first but then started laughing.
After lunch, we walked back to my car. She was more playful and talking to me freely. We were among people so I didn't want to close too hard, instead I just isolated to my car and gave a 10 sec hug while I stroked her hair. I told her have a good weekend, and I'll call her later.. she's going to LA for the weekend to visit her aunt. She was happy and good with hanging out again.
Great~
Well that's the update on the scenario so far. Keep ya posted..
Here's what I've learned:
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The game really is played in comfort. All this attraction stuff we do in the beginning is great and even kiss closing/makeouts are fun. She might even still stay attracted to you for a few days and call you back....
But in my girl's case.. she was hurt before, so all this attraction -- even though she was enjoying it in the moment.. she was really turning up her LMR. She was worried about getting hurt again. As a result, she didn't trust me, even with good solid game. I think getting that 'trust' is really important.. and that's why you have to 'show' it in the comfort phase by respecting her space.. but still not being wayy too nice either.. just enough balance of nice guy with bad guy. If you're too much of either.. you blow out.. whereas if you balance it, and let her go 'bad' on u... then u close, you're good and past LMR.
So for comfort game - all I did was be 'nice' guy while being a little 'away' from her. I made an effort not to display any sort of neediness. I threw in frames that showed I considered her my 'sweetie' so subconsciously she would start responding to it later when we have more 'comfort' together. I also mixed it up too.. I gave some push by calling her 'ajumma' and bantering with her online telling her I liked nice girls not bad.. so she would be bad. I also sexualized a little by taking her 'nice' story about Korea and turning it into a 'gay' story about gay bear men.. just to be funny and get her touching my hair. That made her playful again.
Bad = good. Because if she's bad.. she reinitiates the sexualization, making it like an easy close.. (imagine getting her to pitch the ball so i can hit it..). I made sure to make my close a soft close for now, to show I was sensitive to the surroundings, but also to leave her wanting more.. by asking her out for a bigger date later.. which she agreed to.
Mini close a lot.. be subtle and make her want bigger closes. I think this is important after you've already attracted her and made out with her once.. to get her craving the 'bad' side.. you gotta string it out a bit until she's really horny and then bam! give it to her.
- Cloud
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