Before I start, it's the same girl from last time. This is just a follow up report - I felt like it was important to write about because I had to practice plowing through resistance again, be comforting, and pick up on the 'signs' she gave me throughout. Plus, I had to manage her 'crying' and being needy - I said some stupid stuff to her.. so yeah I recommend you guys who are learning read this stuff in full -- because you'll prob go through it too.
At the end of the day I don't think she's for me, and I'm going to call it quits at some point. I have the skills in place to find better - and I intend to do so; I need to be able to connect with someone not just physically but mentally as well - and she's not cutting it.
Anyway here goes..
She drove out to see me from her place in Alahambra; to my place in Riverside -- that's some investment, which I didn't want to go unrewarded. We had been flirting a lot through texts and I told her to come spend some time at my place. So she did.
It wasn't like "okay, you're here now.. bam we have sex!" I still had to create the mood and plow through resistance, even though she was really DTF.
I mean I know now when a girl is like DTF.. you can tell because she has no interest in doing anything else but cuddling up with you. She's like super affectionate. She keeps playing with your hair or complimenting/trying to fix you up (super touchy and very ADD distracted about anything else).
She wanted to get dinner first though before I could really escalate – I got a few kisses in but she stopped me and said “I’m HUNGRY! Let’s EAT OUTSIDE – Show me some places here!” So I took her to a Thai place near UCR; I actually had to ‘spider thread’ a couple restaurant ideas before she finally picked one she liked – wasn’t into Chinese or American, no pizza, no Mexican food, no Pho, thank god we had a Thai place.
So we went to the UCR area and walked over to the Thai place. For the most part, I didn't give a fuck if I got stares or anything. Actually a lot of people were like really cool -- even the restaurant owners were like giving me props and stuff for having a hot date. :)
While we had dinner, we talked about random stuff, but every time I got too 'normal in conversation' she'd get bored and tried to 'spike up the attraction' by flirting with me.
She’d tell me stuff like she's not so easy, she didn't come to have sex tonite -- just eat dinner. So I messed with her too, I told her I wouldn't ever have sex without a condom with her; if she had my baby from last time, she'd keep it herself. Then she told me she didn't want a baby, so I was able to rile her up for that.
We sat close together and watched the Suns vs Spurs game for a while eating; then we finished. That was a good game.
After that, we went to the grocery store after (‘cause I needed food for the week and also condoms). It was a good grocery store trip, she was very touchy still and holding my hand, hugging me randomly, helping me with groceries, one could say we looked like a happy couple.
We went back to my place after our ‘instadate’, and my neighbors saw us together. They looked a bit squeamish – because they've never seen me bring one back to my place. I hope they don’t tell my parents loll… just kidding who gives a fuck.
I also introduced Singergirl to my roommate, he seemed a bit impressed, but then he went off to his room and I was alone with my girl. We decided to go ahead and watch a movie on the couch together. She was still DTF.. kissing me, lying on me, very touchy/feely. She got bored of the movie after like 2 minutes of it starting, and kept asking me what I wanted to do. I got that as girlspeak for 'f&ck me now b*tch, I’m getting impatient – make it happen!' She repeated she was ‘bored’ like 3x to me.
So I paused the DVD, and said let's go to my room. She instantly turned weird - why? What are you going to do? So I said “f&ck you of course”. Even though it got a smile and I kissed her, she pushed me away and said “No… let’s do something else.. not that yet”. She wanted it, but she didn't want to be easy -- she wanted me to go through the whole dance of it. She complained of being hungry again, so I offered to make her another sandwich and started the DVD up again.
I tried to escalate again after a few minutes but she kept saying "Not now, not now!” She asked if we could go clubbing or something. It wasn’t a bad idea at first but.. she had HIGH BT. I didn’t want to throw that away. If we went to a club, she’d probably use it up over there and then I’d feel too tired to try escalating with her; which might make her upset she drove out to sleep with me and I didn’t have the energy.
So I just told her it was late already (like 11PM) and we'd have to pay. We talked for a bit -- she talked about her singing thing, and as I let her keep talking stalling for time, I formulated a new plan in my head. Thank god! I suggested to her we watch the DVD in my room then figure out what to do next. She could finish her sandwich in there; which she agreed to. Great idea Cloud!
We got to my room, where I put on the DVD, then I was more heavy on the escalation with her. I put her on my lap as we watched the movie on my chair and I pretended to get the keyboard set up. She finished her sandwich then we put it away at my sink. We both went to the bed, and I turned off the lights as we watched the movie. I began kissing her a lot.. everywhere. She was getting turned on, but she stopped me after a few seconds.
"Not yet.. " she said again. "I just ate.." So we watched the movie and just cuddled.
I actually felt the movie was interesting even though I was doing my best to be ADD and focused only on her. I was hoping she'd show some interest in the movie as well and we could do a bit of emotional connecting on a mental level -- I like it when girls give opinions on what they think of stuff; when they don't and just act like an airhead - it's a huge turnoff - I take it as them being unintelligent. She didn’t show any interest – she acted super unintelligent. :(
I felt her getting bored again. She wanted me to do her. I went back to her and started the kissing again. But I encountered resistance yet again as I moved down to her chest. She wouldn't let me take off her shirt. I couldn't finger her either. "Not yet.. hehehe". So I went back to kissing ‘cause she was totally into that.
This cycled for a while, I'd watch the movie for a bit; then focus my attention on her, then kiss her a few times, try to keep kissng and go as far down as I could.. I got stopped like 6 times. Finally after the 7th time, she opened up and I got her bra off. She made fun of me for struggling to take it off with one hand -- I just started learning how to do it haha. Anyway I figured out how to remove the bra with one hand now ;)
Even though I got the bra off, she kept holding onto it. So I just kissed her breasts and kept taking it slow. Finally got to fingering, then was able to get her really going. After a few min of fingering she wanted me to do her. So I went for the condom, but she got mad. She turned around and said "No.." So I told her "Sorry, no condom, no sex." She got pissed at that, and tried to jump me without it. I let her ride for a second but I stopped her and was firm. I told her she could keep the baby if she got pregnant. That got her out of stupid mode. She finally let me put a condom on. Then we got down to business.
It was good, we did it for 3 or 4 sessions, not paying attention to that movie at all. I feel like I got even better at figuring out what to do... so I'll write about some of that for anyone who's still learning.
When you're doing her, sometimes a good position for starters is the missionary position. You can put a pillow under her and work your way in. Then put her legs over your shoulders and just be rhythmic about going in and out. You can get in pretty deep once you get used to the feeling which feels good to her. Go slow first, then when you feel like pounding, go for it. Then ease up because you could waste all that energy and get tired. Then it sucks.. instead balance it with slow then fast. Switch over to letting her ride you if you want to conserve energy, then you can go to animal style if you want to get in deep again. Animal takes the most energy in my opinion, and you gotta worry about her ass slapping your balls. Protect em haha.
Needless to say, she was really thrilled. We had some good sessions and she made fun of me for not watching the movie, instead the movie watched us. We got some water, recharged a bit, then cuddled.
Then she started wanting to know what sort of relationship we were in. Uh-oh. You know me man, I just ignore these shit tests. But she persisted, wanting to know what we were, so I then decided to be overly absurd (another tactic). She asked me if I was a player and so I joked yes I was, yes I sleep around with a lot of girls. I told her I'd probably end up getting an arranged marriage whenever my parents figured out I was having too much fun - but we could still be friends on the side.
She didn't like that at all. It made her really upset. I thought she'd find it funny, but she didn't want to be my 'friend'. She said she was looking for someone sweet and could take care of her and thought I was the guy. So I told her I was just kidding and tried to apologize for a while. She didn't want to listen. She said you already got your chance.
"No more chances!.. I gave you one already and my heart is broken. I'm going home". I again tried to play 'needy' and say that I did care for her, tried to be nice -- but in my heart, I felt a bit disgusted.
I guess I don’t really want to be in a full on relationship with her for the very reason she can’t enjoy just being in the moment with me – she didn’t want to watch the movie, she just wanted me for my body, and she couldn’t even respect just being a friend. Currently, we only have a physical relationship, but at the end of the day if you asked me if I like her as a friend, I’d say no. That’s what’s wrong with this picture.. in order for me to be fully committed I’d need both a mental and a physical relationship first.
Still I didn't say those things to her.. I just kept ignoring her shit tests and being nice, mixing it up with kisses, random funniness. Those things made it worse.. she really wanted to leave.
So finally I said "okay, you can go." I told her she could leave. That made her mad again and she told me "you don't want me to stay? what happened?? you're just letting me go like that??" I said "yeah, you don't want to be with me anymore so go home". She felt really scared by that.. like now she was losing me, instead of I losing her. She began begging me to let her stay over.
Finally after she begged enough, I rewarded her with kisses, went thru the sex resistance dance again (it was painful), and we finally were doing it again. This time she was happy again. The movie finally finished and we joked about it, then she wanted me to come. She was trying to give me shit for not ever doing it on her since I met her. I told her I needed a lot of pressure, so we did it hard and I almost did. But, fuck.. I didn't masturbate this week so I thought I was good. I guess I'm still used to hardcore pressure. So I just jerked off for her and came on her face. She really liked that. She even rubbed it in and kept it there o_O.
We washed up, then we went to sleep. I was really tired, it was like 3AM. I had some good sleep though. The next morning, she kept telling me to wake up - I guess she wanted more. We tried to do it again, but this time she wasn't as turned on. Meh, I was tired too! So I tried to sleep, but she kept insisting I get ready for work. She wouldn’t let me sleep! Finally I woke up and got ready. I suggested she get going too because she had to practice for her concert.
She didn't like that at all -- AGAIN! She felt like I was kicking her out of my place. She accused me of it too -- "You told me I could stay here the week!" I didn't really say that to her, I told her she could hang with me during the week, but she interpreted it as stay over and live at my place. Anyway I didn't care either way, and told her she could stay, but she just said I was a liar. She started crying again. I got dressed then I comforted her.
She stopped crying, but as we were leaving the house together, she started feeling sad again. I took her to her car, where she began crying again. She told me to "Go to work! Just go!!" I hung out for a minute, but I really was late, so I decided to just go.
Later she texted me saying she reached home and ended the text with kisses.
TALK ABOUT NEEDY!!!
- Cloud
Thoughts
========
- Though I enjoy having sex with her and all the awesome practice I'm getting from it and managing LMR; I feel like she's really not my type. I feel if anything she's helped me figure out what my ideal partner would be more like.
- Neediness is not attractive. I value a girl who takes her own life seriously. This girl is a 'singer' and should be practicing, but she doesn't want to. She also doesn't want to study.. I mean I enjoy that she wants to be with me, but I have a life too -- I need to work, p90x, actually watch the movies I rent.. if not on our time, my time! I dunno.. I don't want to put my whole life on hold for her because she can't manage her own life. I would rather us both have great independent lives and we come back together a couple times in the week to share our stories. That would be cool.
- Sex is getting easier. It's fun now. I sorta feel like I am a player. My boss asked today for everyone to go around the room at work to tell everyone something about themselves that no one would ever guess. So I said I was a player. Everyone laughed.. they said "NO WAY.. NOT YOU!! HAHA you have NO GAME! LOL" Haha, what a riot.. it was fun to hear that they still think I'm just this nerdy Information Technology guy.
- Rufio and Sparrow told me this morning to just take it slower and keep seeing her. Maybe.. I just feel like I want to go after the other cooler girls in my social circle and dump this one. I feel like I have everything I need from this one.. but I guess I could keep it going - I mean free sex right? At some point I'm going to have to let her off easy and I'm going to have to figure out how to do that... any suggestions?
- Cloud
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