** NOTE LONG POST, mainly cause it's 3 FRs in 1**
Part 1:
-------
So here's how it went down. I met this Asian chick on OKC, like most of the girls I've been meeting lately. My opener wasn't anything really special.. actually been being kinda copy/paste lately with an opener I use called 'roses are red'. She responded well to it, so I complimented her and we made some back and forth basic conversation afterward.
Several days of emails exchange, nothing super serious, I begin to state my intention after the 4th or 5th message and she replies with not looking for anything right now, but just seeing what comes her way. I say 'cool' and continue to stack forward.
She asks me about the other girls I met on this site, which I kinda answer, but also deflect. Whenever girls ask me this stuff, I give just enough to suggest I'm in demand, but I leave it at that. If they want to know more I always start pushing for a day2.
I finally get her number and then call her up to set the day2. This is where everything changes.. and my mind explodes.
When I call her, everything starts off normal, I'm just being humorous and talking about what I'm cooking. She likes that I can cook and have a life. She is interested in spending time with me at my place in Long Beach. We set the date for Friday. In my mind, I'm thinking YES! Then she throws a curve ball.
"So what are you looking for from this site?" she asks.
I answer with "well, just looking to meet someone interesting, not crazy or anything."
Her: "Wait, what do you mean by crazy? What does that even mean?!"
Me: "Uh, I just don't want to meet a crazy person, ya know..."
Her: "How many girls have you met on OKC so far? Were they crazy? Is that why you're still on this site?"
Me: "Well, by crazy I just mean not weird lol. Are you weird?"
Her: "Um.. I dunno haha. I guess I'm not like other girls. What does weird even mean anyway! You're normal?"
In my mind I make a mental note to rethink what I just said to this girl for all future girls moving forward. This was a very bad thread.
Eventually, I get past the hurdle but she starts asking me for stories about other girls I dated on OKC that were 'weird'. So I tell her the story about the first girl who went crazy at the mall because I didn't try to make a move on her within the first hour of the date. To me, I thought that was super crazy because, well all my friends said it was crazy.. girls just act that forward. I thought with this story she'd laugh and say 'oh.. haha I get what you mean.' She didn't.
Her: "Whoa! That's CRAZY? I would have done the same thing!"
My face literally melts off. Am I being haunted by the ghost of Christmas past here?
Her: "You know, you seem like a nice guy.. and she just wanted to meet someone assertive. I think I know what kind of guy you are now. I'm not sure this will work out."
Me: (In my mind: OH SHIT! WTF do I say? How do I save this I think) "No.. no I'm not. I mean, I'm a GOOD guy, I can be assertive and stuff.. (GREAT CLOUD, So smooth)."
Her: "I'm not sure, there's a reason this site says we're 'enemies' on here. (OKC has a match percentage which tells you how much of a match you are in terms of love, friendship and enemies. We had a high enemy rating)"
Me: "That's just cause we might be opposites. And opposites attract baby. We gets it on and stuff."
Her: "Lol, really? That's interesting. But yah, I'm not really looking for anything serious at the moment. I just want to meet a lot of people and experience new things in life."
Me: (Still thinking how to save it..) "Hey, yah I totally am too. Adventure is the spice of life."
Her: "Are you sure though? You're a nice guy, and I usually don't go for them -- if EVER. I like being dominated and stuff."
Me: "Hell yah, I can dominate you baby. (More AFCness lol). Let's just meet up. We'll figure this shit out on Friday."
Her: "I dunno.. I feel like I've made a mistake. You shouldn't force yourself to be someone you aren't."
Me: "Fuck, no. Let's do this. Like I said I love adventure. You seem really interesting. Let's do this. Friday at 2."
Her: "Um.. okay. I won't flake then. We'll meet Friday. I just want you to know I'm probably not the girl you're looking for long term if you really are a nice guy."
Me: "Let's do this! Friday. 2."
Her: "Okay, see you then."
Phone conversation ends, and I am freaking the fuck out. My roommate, Luck (back in town), starts laughing his head off. "DUDE! WTF GAME was that!!? You started off so well and now you're CHODING AROUND!"
Me: "I dunno man.. I dunno what I was thinking! I told her that story about my first OKC date with the girl in the mall thinking she'd understand, but she turned out to be ANOTHER girl from the mall. Girl from the mall part 2!!!"
Luck: "Ahahaha. DUDE You just gotta be dominant. These chicks just are very sexual, and know what they want. They are the sexually confident types!!"
Me: "Yeaah man!! I realized that too when she started telling me I was a nice guy. I tried to be reframe everything and just be super assertive.
It came off so weird though. I dunno man.. maybe I shouldn't get with her, if this is gonna be like last time."
Luck: "WHAT? DUDE, this chick wants to FUCK YOU! Why would you throw that away?!!"
Me: "Maybe I just want a nice girl too... I dunno if I can really be an asshole type to this girl. It feels insanely hard for me to do! (By this point I'm super choding out)"
Luck: "NO DUDE. Just be dominant. She likes you. She wants to fuck you. Here, watch some porn. You need to get in the fucking mind state." (He tries to access my computer.. but then I get a text from the girl)
Her: "Hey, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out."
Me to Luck: "OH SHIT! She's starting to flake dude! What do I say??!"
Luck starts laughing and I feel even more chody. I really don't know what to say because I feel like if I say "no it's okay..blah blah blah", I'll go back to chode conversations where she'll eventually cancel the date on me because I'm too nice.
Yet if I suddenly talk dirty to her like Luck is saying I should (cause that's what she likes), it'd come off weird and uncalibrated.
We continue arguing, and I'm super choding out. I start calling other CC ppl, and get to Austin, who nonchalantly says.. "Oh, just fuck her then. Yeah, good job man. You're getting an LR. How's your daygame going? Are you still sarging at the bars? I want to get some practice."
I don't think he gets the urgency of the situation, so I retell the story to him.. and he seems confused too. "Umm.. your friend is right, just tell her the same stuff you said at the end of your phone call.. you want to meet and let's fuck." Thank you Austin. I hang up and write the text.
Me to HB8: "Lol. It's a new year ;) Let's make it happen."
HB8: "Haha, well okay. But are you sure?"
Me: "Yup. I want to make your fantasy come true."
Luck adds: "Tell her to call you. Leave it at that dude. Pretend like your busy."
Me to HB8: "Call me."
HB8: "Okay, in a bit."
I'm still freaking out, but so far damage control is working. Mentally, I'm having anxiety about not being able to be the 'asshole' this chick wants, which Luck is saying I need to be. He tells me chicks like these want to be spanked, clothes ripped off, hair pulled, biting, fucked hard in the ass, etc. He plays some foreign film on Netflix where this cop dude basically slaps this bitch, rips off her clothes, and spanks the shit outta her with his whip. He handcuffs her, then fucks her super hard on the bed while she screams. "YOU NEED TO BE THAT FRIDAY...except the whip part. Don't use a whip." says Luck.
"I can't! AHGUHHHHHH" I think to myself. "Why am I so nice inside? I can't hurt a girl. It feels like I'm hurting myself when I do that shit. I dunno.." More anxiety ensues.
I've already had 2 LRs up til now, and fucked about 5 or 6 times. Every time before, I was always the guy leading the interaction, so I was always in control of how aggressive I was. I can be aggressive, and dominant, but honestly when I have sex, I like to be sweet about it overall. I can't see myself trying to rape some chick... I get chills thinking about what would happen if things went wrong... Maybe that's why I feel so scared now. The pressure is on me to perform.
Luck: "It'll be a great experience for you. Dude this is her fantasy, just let her lead the interaction if nothing else. She can help you. Learn."
Me: "Fuck man. Okay, I'll say those things when I talk to her again. I'll do this. EXCUSE ME, I'M GONNA GO TURN ON SOME PORN IN THE NEXT ROOM."
I try to watch some, but I still feel so nervous, so I turn it off and just lie on my bed. I need advice.. I wish I had advice.. so I call more Casanovas. No one picks up... just a bunch of voicemail. Finally, Carte Blanche picks up and I explain the whole situation to him. He says pretty much the same stuff.. but at least I feel like the chode in me is subsiding. Then HB8 calls in the middle of my conversation, so I thank Carte and talk to this girl.
Her: "Hey, so are you sure you want to do this? I'm like.. really high right now. I am totally tripping out here."
Me (in my most alpha, sexually cool voice): "Hell yah, baby. Let's fucking do this. I wanna fuck your tiny little pussy and rip it open tomorrow."
Her: "MM... that would be so hot. What else would you do to me?"
Me: "I would slam you against the wall, rip off all your clothes, bend you over and spank the shit outta you"
Her: (She starts getting into it and moaning a little). "I want you to get me off.. mm.. what else, tell me more. If I came over right now what would you do to me?"
I start describing my usual laygame formula to her, biting her neck, sucking her nipples, working down to eating her out, fucking her hard, cumming on her (she wants it on the face).
Me: "Are you getting yourself off right now? Mmm.. I can hear it.."
HB8: "Duh obvious lol. MMM..."
We continue, but then she starts to panic again.
HB8: "I dunno.. I feel weird now, this is so weird. You're a stranger, I don't even know you that well... and I'm so high right now. Are you sure you want this? I know you don't like crazy girls."
Me: "It's a new year, I like adventure, yeah we should totally do this. I wish I had called you over today."
HB8: "Mm.. Do you smoke at all? Have you ever rolled on E? Would you be down for that?"
Me: (Would I be down for that? I feel myself asking more life questions in my head -- am I on my way to becoming a drug addict who dates crazies now? -- I immediately shut off the chode). "Mm.. yah, let's do it baby. You can teach me stuff, I think you'd make a great sexy teacher."
HB8: "Haha, really.. okay yah I can teach you. But it's better if the girl is on E, if the guy is, he can't perform well. So you don't have to take it. (Whew!)"
HB8: "To be quite honest, not a lot of guys can satisfy me. I have a high sex drive. I don't usually stay with one guy for more than one night. No guy can make me cum. Do you still want to do this?"
Me: "I just want to make your fantasy come true. Tell me what you want me to do to you. "
HB8: "So, I want to come over to your place, and we could watch a movie, but as we're watching it, you can't touch me at all... only watch. I can touch myself though. It's a test of how much patience you have. If you succeed, you shall be rewarded. I hate it when guys don't try to build up the sex.. that's why I want to do this."
Me: "That's freaking hot. I would love to do that.. I'd love to even do that tomorrow. You could dress all sexy for me and tease me."
HB8: "Are you serious? Hahaha I'm going to dress like garbage instead and you'll have to endure it. But underneath I might wear something really hot and revealing."
(For some reason, I start to think this chick may actually be really insane, and could possibly have a gun on her too.. afterall, drugs, trash, being manipulative to guys? Could this be for real?). I start getting a bit cynical in conversation and fuck up the last leg of the race. "So what happens if I don't get turned on by you?"
HB8 freaks the fuck out. "WTF!! THAT'S SO MEAN!!! I can't believe you'd say that!!"
Me: "I'm just kidding.. haha."
HB8: "NO! OKAY, we're SO NOT doing this. It's over. I'm sorry, (she starts crying), a guy couldn't get it up before and didn't find me attractive at all!! I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!!! (More sobs.)"
Me: "I'm kidding dude, it was a joke.. I do want to see you."
HB8: "NO it's over. Have a nice life. I'm sorry."
Me: "HEY. HEY."
HB8: "What...!!"
Me: "I like you. I'm kidding about earlier."
HB8: "No...well I dunno...'
Me: "I want to see you."
HB8: "I can't...(Me: I LIKE you. I want to see you. I am turned on) I... okay whatever then just call me or text me tomorrow then... bye."
Me: "Bye."
Guys, you must be thinking WTF. How did Cloud ever get this lay being so chody up til now. I also commend you on reading this far. This is a fucking long report, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to write it.. but I felt it was a pretty major event in my life that needed to be recorded.
If you want to take a break now, go ahead. Here's part 2.
Part 2:
------
I was really dumbstruck by this point. I felt like I had gone on an emotional roller coaster ride. Things looked really bad. She really did seem insane. I doubted she'd even meet up with me by this point.
I texted her after the phone call, repeating basically the same stuff I said on the phone and before. I left it short and simple, then went to bed.
"I can't wait to see you. You are amazingly hot. I want to make your fantasy come true. Good night."
I couldn't sleep at all. I dreamt of strange shit, and kept waking up over and over. I dreamt of fighting clowns with Batman, then chasing ghosts with Scooby-Doo and Yogi Bear. Where the hell does this shit come from? I swear my brain must be made of LSD.
In the morning, I talk to Luck about it, and he just says to think positive. That's our motto anyway. It's still a situation that can be turned around. I concur, and remember Carte Blanche telling me the same thing. "It's never game over man.. there's always just damage control. ".. that's his motto.
"She does seem a bit insane though,"said Luck. "If you don't want her it's okay, but it might still be a good experience for you to learn something new. I can hide in the closet if you want if she tries to bust out a gun lol."
I call HB8 in the morning, but she doesn't answer. I don't leave a message. Instead I just text her saying, "Hey no hard feelings from yesterday, I still want to play. See you at 5 :) I'll be working on job apps all day so call me if you want."
No answer... for a while.
Around 11, she sends a text. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said all that stuff last night."
I reply back with: "Let's just have fun :). No more feeling bad. I wanna make your fantasy come true."
HB8: "Well was what I said at least hot and not rambling?"
Me: "Very hot."
HB8: "Tell me more about yourself."
Me: "Driving (I was just about to). Can I call u in a bit?"
HB8: "I get out of class at 1"
Me: "Kk".
Looks like I was able to damage control and turn it around again. I don't call her at 1 tho, I send a text first saying I will call her and I'm busy trying to find internet access at the moment. It's my way of testing the temperature. No response, so I give her a call and get voicemail. Don't leave a message.
Luck texts and asks if he needs to be around in the house later. I tell him that we're still in communication, so he bids me..'luck'.
I'm working on job apps when HB8 calls me up. She goes back into old routine asking me if I really want to meet her, I should just find a nice girl, blah blah. It's like playing the same exact level again, if you were to die and go back to the last save point. I say the exact same things that worked last time in 'battle', and keep being assertive on meeting up at 5.
"We're on right. 5. Where should I pick you up?"
HB8: "I don't know much about you though. Tell me more about yourself."
I tell her I am an ass model. She laughs but really wants to know. So I tell her what I do. I push the frame back on her and force qualify her to tell me what she does. She tells me about how she goes to college, studies psychology but doesn't like it. I cut thread and start talking about wanting to make her fantasy come true. She tries to cut thread and say that she's probably going to flake. I told her I had a feeling she would, so thats why I called. She thinks that that was funny of me to say.
HB8: "I really don't stick around with any guy. It's so hard to find someone who I really like. I won't probably stick with you and will be pretty judgmental okay?"
Me: "Yeah, it's cool. I still want to make your fantasy come true. It'd be hot." (Rinse, repeat)
HB8: "Yeah and I can be manipulative too. I can read guys so well.. you might think this is totally fucked up to say."
Me: (Lols to myself) "I'm the same way. I get bored and want adventure like you. I am kinda fucked up too. Maybe that's why we get along."
HB8: "Lol, I dunno.."
Me: "Yeah, I think your idea about coming over and wearing sexy clothes underneath while I can't touch was super hot."
HB8: "MM.. really is it hot?"
Me: "Yeah, I'd totally love to make it happen for you babe."
HB8: "Really? Okay.. maybe we'll hang out then. I'm not going to say 'yes', but I'm not saying 'no'."
Me: "Haha, fair enough."
HB8: "I'm not promising anything, but maybe, maybe I'll send you a text tonight."
Me: "Sounds good to me. I'll be around doing more work."
At this point, I don't feel so chody anymore. Somehow I feel like everything's going to be fine. I feel more congruent with myself and I feel like I can be dominant, and make her fantasy come true. Part of me actually wants to just do this. Experience is the spice of life. I don't know what's out there until I try. It could be rewarding.
Around 5 she texts me and says: "5:30 ok?"
I respond back with "Yeah, where should I pick you up from?"
She gives me the address. Luck calls to tell me he cleaned the apartment and went to hang out with friends for a while. "GET LAID DUDE!!", he says.
Part 3: The Seduction
--------------------
Final part to story. I meet her around 6, and she is wearing a really sexy black outfit. She is dressed to kill. Smoking hot lipstick, beautiful body, totally fit. I immediately give her a hug, and then go in for a kiss on her neck. I bite down a little, like a vampire. I feel like one meeting in the dark like this. Twilight and shit. Now I know why girls like vampires.
I take her by the hand and we walk back to my car. Along the way to my place, she asks me all the standard questions.. "How many other girls have you seen on OKC? Is this what you really want? Blah blah blah". I ignore, give vague answers or cut the thread and talk pure comfort stuff. I tell her that I want to atone for my sin of not making out with the mall chick.
I then talked to her about my job and how I make car advertisements, how dealers make a shit load of cash off stupid people, my financial planning stuff, how I want to move to LA, I tease her for liking the IE, she hates the IE, etc etc. Where I end up spiking her temperature is when I start talking about the Nancy Friday book, Women's Sexual fantasies. She's really intrigued and tells me that she wants to be in porn. "If women ruled porn, the porn would be so different, so much better," she said. She agreed with a lot of the stuff Nancy Friday had to say about how society still hasn't progressed in terms of accepting women's fantasies in modern media like they have with men's fantasies.
As I'm talking, I'm constantly moving from holding her hand for a minute, giving her little strokes on her thighs, if we stop somewhere, I give her a small kiss on the shoulder, etc. She's happy... she keeps pressing her legs against my fingers.
We get to my place, she sees my motorcycle and drools over it. She is totally surprised and wonders if I really am an alpha. Enter my living room, then she checks the restroom. She comes out, and I give her some water.
"You're so nice huh..", she says. I kiss her, but she dodges, so I laugh and kiss her on the face. She looks a bit awkward.
I put on the movie, but my Xbox is forcing me to update itself. It makes us wait forever. Talk about state killer. I give her the book to read.
Someone knocks on the fucking door. Some douche is trying to sell me stupid magazine subscriptions. He's weak minded though, so I go all 'X-men out'; cut his routines in half, and quickly escort him out of my door. HB8 looks weirded out.
Finally, stupid Xbox has updated and we can now choose a movie off Netflix. We decide to watch a scary one. I turn out the lights, and we start watching. I move in closer, put my arm around her and lightly massage her. I put my other hand on her thigh and softly stroke it.
As the movie goes on (it's pretty boring, I continue on escalation. My right hand is stroking her thigh, going in a little deeper while I continue to massage her shoulder with my left. I kiss her thighs. I kiss her face. She won't kiss on lips. Whatevs, keep escalating.
15 min in, she is really turned on, and even though she says "Let's watch the movie, no sex", I'm like "We're not having sex. Just light touching and kissing." She starts getting really into it and guiding my hand down further and further, til I'm pretty much fingering her pussy.
One finger at a time..then two, then three, then almost all four. She's totally into it.
I kiss her more and more everywhere but lips, until she really starts climaxing, then she pulls me in and we start making out. The movie barely even started and she proclaims she wants to fuck me in the next room. We go.
She starts furiously taking off her clothes, I take off my pants and make out with her, then work my way down, fingering, and eating her out. She's really into it, and actually tastes good for once. (I guess she douches).
She wants me to fuck her now, so I put on my condom and go for it.
We fuck, and I do it a bit rough. Over time I start falling out.. and having to keep finding her 'hole' sucks.. she's so tight. I can feel her frustration. We change the style to doggy, it's better, but I start getting into my head from falling out again. The more frustrated she feels, the more anxiety I have, until I'm not hard at all...and then she's just feeling super annoyed. So I suggest we take it slow, and I get it up again, we go at it for 10-15 minutes where she rides me, but then she starts getting angry I'm not cumming.
For some reason, I just can't.
One, she's not smiling or anything. Two, she's just acting annoyed and angry. She tells me to grab her hair, spank her, be aggressive, so I do. I fuck her harder, but I also feel like I'm losing my erection in the process. I'm totally not congruent... nor in the moment. It feels so alien to me.
I feel like I'm choking at the NBA finals...
Well, needless to say she's ticked. I'm bleeding also, I guess I ripped my frenulum (skin under the penis head - which happened to me also the last time I had sex... good thing I have a condom. The doctor told me it's not an STD, I screened negative, it's just a normal thing, and to try to go slower, use lube). I tell her that it was painful to have sex and that I needed lube. We try one more time with lube, but then she says that she's wet enough and doesn't need lube. It just makes it more annoying. So I call it quits. She doesn't like cuddling or anything, and tells me she needs to go home.
Well, alright. Cool. At least I tried and got the lay. We get all our clothes back on, and I shrug it off as no big deal. It was definitely a learning experience, and on the way to her place, we opened up a lot. I told her how I was an awkward virgin once, and how I was trying to make my way to getting the hang of this stuff. I told her how it was kind of hard for me to be really angry and be mean, but she understood.
She said she started off the same way, and said to just keep practicing --"Fake it til you make it". For her, early in life, no guys would hit on her for the longest time. All the guys liked white chicks, no one liked her because she was Asian. I was like you don't know how many guys have Asian fetishes. She said no, it didn't help.. and she was really frustrated too, which made her want to change. She used to be really nerdy and study all the time in school, but then she felt burnt out.
That's when she decided to just start 'experimenting' with stuff. She told me everything was an 'experiment' to her, which made it easy for me to say the same thing. It was like I met a female version of myself.. or maybe another man. o_O Maybe that's why I couldn't do her. "I'm not girly at all.. I act very manly sometimes... that's why I think you should just find a nice girl."
To her it was pretty interesting that I didn't cum in like 5 minutes like with past guys. She wondered if she was truly unsexy. I said it wasn't, and the ripping of the penis made it hard for me to want to fuck. I noted she didn't cum either, she kept stopping me when I tried to make her, so I should be mad too lol.
"I just don't cum period," she said. "I will never let a guy make me cum. I want them to cum, so that I've owned them. That's my style. This is why I don't fuck nice guys," she said. I joked that only a 'nice guy' could last so long like I did, and that nice guys around the world had scored again, cause she just got laid by one.
We laughed and ended up being pretty cool as friends, she said to keep improving, and if through my pickup journey I got better, she'd need an 'update'.
We parted amicably. :)
- Cloud
Thoughts
========
Part of me does want a nice girl, but then when I look back, I'm glad I met this girl too. I told her that. I wouldn't have known what else was out there if I hadn't put effort and tried.
It took a lot of work and reframe mastery to get her, and I think it was a fucking roller coaster ride.. but now ultimately looking back, I don't think it needed to be that hard at all. She was down to fuck from the start, and we could have just made it happen. Where I caused problems was by being judgmental and telling her I got turned off by weirdness. I was assumed she would find the mall chick 'weird' too... which was wrong of me. Everyone is a bit weird, (yours truly included) and yes she still might be insane, but indeed I was mean. I need to cut out words like 'weird' from my vocabulary from now on... moving forward, I just need to be more accepting and tolerant. In the end she wasn't a psycho chick with a gun, she was just a chick who was really horny and wanted some cock. She might have a cock addiction, amongst other addictions lolz jk. I dunno if that's what I want long term, def not what my parents want, but... I'm still glad I got to be with her. The experience helps me for moving forward.
I think I want to concentrate now on being more in the moment with girls, and really try to be accepting of their sexual fantasies. If I can do that, I think I will be able to mentally cross the threshold in my mind too that's holding me back. Like I said earlier, it was like playing at the NBA finals, and I came that far, but I just need more polishing.
I can do it :) Experience is everything. For now, at least I made love to the girl of OKC past and have atoned for my sins.
No comments:
Post a Comment