* NOTE: Long FR, 3 FRs in 1, feel free to take breaks and come back when you like. You know the drill :)*
Part I
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I went on a day2 with a girl I met off OKC again. This one wasn't so great though. Coming in, I thought I had massive attraction -- we talked for days before our meet, and it seemed we connected on several levels - not just flirting stuff, but like we liked anime, games, working out, being healthy, etc. I spent a lot of phone and email time with this girl.
It SEEMED like it was 'ON'. From an outsider's perspective, one would definitely think so. Everytime I emailed her, she emailed back more. She liked all the 'cute' pet names I called her, and would giggle like mad if I playfully gave her a 'kiss' over the phone.
I didn't really understand why then our date went to hell. Thinking back though, I blame it on getting to know each other TOO WELL; to the point where there wasn't any mystery left. There are a few more points though, I'll get to them too...
A little more background history, then I'll get to the story here:
She is a workout trainer for a high intense workout program called 'Crossfit'. It's comparable to P90x, but I think it's a little more intense. Anyway, check it out on Youtube; a lot of girls are in it because they take it for self defense and stuff.
I initially opened with this line:
"you probably get this a lot... but you are freakin' adorable :)
oh yah did i forget to mention strong? lol
<3 "
The strategy here was to be a little different. I didn't want to say 'oh you're really in shape' as the first thing she read, because she probably gets told this every day. Instead I made it almost seem like I was gonna say you're really strong, but I replaced it with adorable instead.
That made it kind of funny and interesting. The love mark added to making the message playful and fun.
I call this opener a hybrid opener - where you observe something glaringly obvious about the girl but instead of opening with that like you would in a situational opener, you change the glaringly obvious thing to something completely opposite of that (but funny or attractive) and use the glaringly obvious part as the secondary part of your message. It shows you're unique and interesting as a result.
'Adorable' works pretty well on a sports chick, I don't think 'cute' so much or 'hot', cause they get those words a lot... most fit girls don't think they're 'cute', and 'hot' is an overused boring word. Plus, with sports chicks, they get hit on a lot already as being 'hot', or every dude says something situational about how fit they are. Being 'adorable' takes them out of the 'matrix' and forces them to use their imagination. A lot of girls who are fit secretly want to be adorable to someone else, and don't want to wear the pants in the relationship. This girl totally fell into that frame.
She responded VERY well to the opener and thus ensued a windfall of conversation. I continued to frame her as adorable while starting to mention her fitness stuff (which was okay by that point -- it showed I was interested in her actual life). What I noticed was that she would write back way more than whatever I'd say to her. She'd answer all my questions and on top of that talk about things that happened during her day. She'd ask questions about my life as well, so I started talking about my day in response.
Our messages got very LONG as a result, and after a certain point, I knew I had to just invite her out. I got her number after chatting with her in real time, then I decided to call her instead of type. Like our emails, I ended up TALKING a lot with this chick on the phone. I don't really remember the conversations word for word, but the gist of it was mostly talking about my day, her day, me flirting and saying shit I wanted to do her (pin her against wall/makeout, describe my fantasy of wanting to see her toned body in a sexy dress, or with glasses), her flirting back by denying me a little and adding high pitched giggles if it got really erotic in conversation. At some point she was really into the fantasy and did want to act it out. However, if it got too much, she would start to say 'creepy'.. which eventually came back to haunt me later.
Well, anyway I had a procedure in place for that word... If I spiked her BT too much, to the point she was hyper denying or saying 'lame'.. I'd switch over into straight comfort.. which helped us reconnect and bond better. That's how I managed to keep her from being too creeped out and also connect longer.
As a surprise, I found she was into the stuff I'm into - anime, cooking, fitness, etc. Over time, we had a lot to talk about just naturally. This entire week, we talked daily.. from Monday night to Thursday afternoon -- she even started waking me up in the morning with 'wakeup calls' because I told her I wanted to wake up earlier and be more committed to my daily workout. It was sweet of her, so I told her that. She felt good doing it.
At one point, my roommate even said "DUDE, it sounds like you're totally into her!" "Yeah", I responded. "Maybe huh.. I could see myself in an LTR with this chick. That'd be nice.." (I started to dream of a day where I could finally leave this community and just be in paradise).
Part II
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Yesterday, after moving stuff to Long Beach (I'm finally moving out of Riverside in hopes of finding a job in the OC or LA while temporarily living in my parent's summer house), I called this chick up again, and we talked about meeting up.
She was down to meet around 5; she would be hanging out with her friends at a coffee shop. THEN, it got weird. She asked me what I'd wear, so she could recognize me. I told her I'd be wearing a brown button down shirt with jeans and a baseball cap.
"A cap huh? Well then I'll just wear my gym clothes -- doesn't seem like you want to dress up, and I hate dressing up anyway. You can just come see me as I am."
"That'd be hot, I get to see you in your sexy workout clothes," I said.
"Haha, I'm just going to look hella normal though. I doubt you'll find me attractive."
"I doubt you can make yourself any less adorable. I'll always find you somewhat attractive."
"Oh really huh? Then I'm going to do my best to be really ugly and boring. You won't even like me at all."
"Haha, whateverz! Even if we were super boring together, we'd still be the coolest couple to everyone else."
"Lame. Haha well here's the address to the place if you still want to come." (She buzzes my ear with Skype texts as she knows I get annoyed by it while talking to her on the phone and laughs maniacally. Every time I get a text or Skype message, my phone vibrates. We had a thread about how she wants to feel my phone vibrate on her with sexual undercurrents :P).
Part III
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Final part to this story. I drive out and reach Santa Monica. It's a beautiful, happening place. The streets are crowded with couples having an afternoon snack, people jogging, businessmen having meetings, activity groups meeting up -- it seems like paradise.
Perfect weather. I'm walking down 2nd and Santa Monica street making my way to Wilshire. In the distance I can see the ocean and note several really enticing restaurants I want to visit later. I think to myself -- I need to move here. This would be fucking awesome.
I meet with her at the proposed coffee shop. She's with her friends. Immediately, I realize, wow.. she's not even that hot. Her pictures online were way better. It feels a bit anti-climatic. Her body is still good looking, but her face.. I kinda don't feel attracted anymore.
Another thing I notice is that her friends are WAY better looking than her. Uh-oh.. I think to myself.
Her friends are like almost 8s and 9s. They are in great shape, look super pretty with makeup on, and as I talk to them to make casual conversation, I realize they are FUCKING smart. UCLA chicks may be party girls, but some of them are really motivated in life, well-traveled, and/or seriously well put together. It's like meeting the creme of the crop. Thank god all this time I've been reading, studying different philosophies, eating and trying different foods, diets, travelling to different places -- it helped me keep up and appear as active as them. (God this is why IE chicks suck -- they're just poser chicks with obesity problems lol -- when you come to a place like this, you truly know what the meaning of 'goal oriented' is).
Sorry for diverging there, so anyway back to main story. I kinda wasn't into the chick anymore. Her friends were married unfortunately, but I felt it'd be cool to stay in this girl's social circle as it might lead to more hot chicks. Unfortunately I didn't do that. I felt bad. I decided to just go with it and 'practice' anyway.
I asked her what she wanted to do.
"I dunno," she said. "I'm just going to go home soon. I wanted to buy groceries before that. There's a Ralphs up here. Do you want to go there?"
"Well, we could do that but what about dinner or something? We could also walk down the pier, it's really nice."
"Nah, I already know this place. I don't want to go there, and I'm not really into dinner."
"How about a movie then?"
"Nah, I don't want to do that either. You'll probably just get touchy feely on me in there."
"Lol.. as if I'm not already doing that?" (I poked her a couple times playfully).
She didn't seem to mind at all, but she didn't seem that interested either. (What was up with this chick?)
"Okay, well if you want to go to Ralphs, I'll go with you. Are you going to cook me dinner?"
"Nooooooo, obviously not. You can try to entertain me though if you want. I'm just going to be hella boring."
"Ohh.. I get what you're doing. You're so adorable." (I give her a kiss on the cheek... she doesn't react negatively).
"Well, let's go to Ralphs. I'll help you pick out something, then if you want to go home, that's cool. I'll check out the area here myself."
We go to Ralphs, she gets some fish, and while we're in the checkout line, we're talking about eating healthy and Crossfit. She talks to me about her daily regiment which is pretty intense - lots of waking up early, lifting, running.. I'm just maintaining proximity. We're side by side a lot, she doesn't seem to mind. As she talks to me about something else, I pull her in and give her a kiss on the head. She responds positively to it.
The cashier lady smiles and thinks we are a happy couple. As we walk back to her car (which is parked at Ralphs), I grab her hand and hold it as we walk. She lets me, then after a min, pulls off. We start walking away from her car, she wants to go see mine. There is some strange dark alley on the way to my car, so I put her in my arms and pretend it's the scene from 'Thriller' (Michael Jackson). She calls me super lame as I act like MJ protecting her from the ghouls at night.
There's also a dirty motel on the side of the streets walking further up Wilshire, so I grab her hand and proclaim we will now makeout inside this dirty motel. She laughs but says "Eww..CReEPY"
(Creepy? Okay maybe it was a little. Don't care. Bounce back Cloud). "Haha, I totally saw this earlier and made a mental note to take you here since I can't go back to your place or drive you to mine. LOL"
"Haha super lame. That just sounds gross."
"Haha, well I kid. I'm not gonna take you there after all. Let's go to CVS, I want to find out how long the parking is here."
We go to CVS where we browse through aisles some more. I hold her hand for a little bit, let go, pepper her with some kisses, but all the while she's still getting defensive. (What's up with this chick? I thought we had so much connection beforehand, and now I'm getting major ASD).
"You know, this date is kinda lame", I say. "I never imagined having a date at a Ralphs and then a CVS. I want to do something more romantic, like dinner or walk the beach or movie. LOL"
"I'm not very girly though. I don't like being romantic." (I think to myself, could this girl be like the other girl from my previous story? The mall chick? So I start to go heavy sexual instead).
I talk in innuendos, which causes her to be more creeped out. "Ugh, you sound so creepy right now.."
So far date of fail. I can't get her to invest at all, she's being a boring bitch and worse I'm falling into the creepy guy category. How do I save this?
I walk her back to her car now that my car is okay, and start busting out old routines stuff. I do palm reading, show her a little magic tricks, try to pique her interest with cold reading.
Still resistance. She doesn't want to see a magic trick. "I know what you want to do.. it's not going to work on me." My Casanova twirl fails. I use the 'noserape' technique, and she gets super mad.
=/
We get back to her BMW 6 series (I guess she was loaded?), and pretty much I feel the date coming to an end. In my mind, I'm preparing myself to move on and just have fun by myself for the rest of the night.
I try one last time to re-game this chick. She talks about how she's boring, and this is her 'every day'. "I told you, you wouldn't like me. I'm not your type of girl."
"Well, we are a 90% match on OKC. We do like the same stuff, and we did talk a lot on the phone and in email."
"Nah, I don't buy into that OKC stuff. And I only said I liked the same stuff as you to make you feel better."
"Lol, you dork. I find it extremely adorable you're trying so hard to be boring." (I kiss her).
No reaction.
"I am boring. What exactly do you like about me anyway?"
I cut her thread and just caveman her. I grab her by the arm, pull her into me and go for the kiss. She resists. I kiss her on the cheek instead. She wrestles with me for a bit, but I hold onto her, keeping her in my arms and hugging her more. Eventually she subsides and just rocks with me. I continue to kiss her sporadically. Her back is towards me.
"This is what you want, huh? Just to get in my pants. I knew it from the start," she says.
"Yeah I did. Seems like you wanted that too."
"Eww. Creeper. You're like major creeper."
"If I'm a creeper, why are you rocking with me? Stop me."
"Okay, I will."
Mild resistance.
I grab her again and she moves back into my body. She stays there even longer. We continue to rock together, and I laugh to myself. She isn't struggling at all.. in fact it even seems like she wants to stay on top of me.. her ass is right on my dick. I figure she's giving all this ASD because I don't have enough comfort, even though she likes the affection.
So I talk straight comfort. We look at buildings, talk about stars, talk about silly stuff, whatever. It's like phone conversation again. People are passing by looking at us like we're the weirdest couple in the parking lot though. We start making fun of them though.
For a while, I am enjoying the moment... and can play with her body. I massage her stomach, breasts, put my hands in her pants, in her hands.. kiss her more... everywhere except lips. No go there. She's still moving away.
I start to feel like I'm trying too hard here. It's coming off like I'm seeking an outcome from this date... a kiss on her lips, or in her mind.. getting into her pants. I've already kissed her this much, and I even got creative where I kissed my own lips with my hand then put it on her lips. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I've already kissed closed this girl. I don't really need anything more from this date and I'm cool not having sex if it doesn't happen.
I decide to just push her off. But she won't let go. If she likes me this much, why the mad resistance? Why is she trying so hard to be boring and just not give into the moment? Maybe it's lack of experience? Maybe she's never really had a boyfriend? Or sex? Maybe she's just not comfortable with this kinda affection -- maybe she's a virgin or something? I ask her..
"You seem like the chick who doesn't really date that much. How many other boyfriends have you had?"
"What's that supposed to mean? I went out with a guy a little while ago, and we saw the sunset together on the pier."
"Your gay best friend doesn't count."
She scoffs at me. "Hah! He wasn't gay..."
"Okay, well then how long were you in a relationship for?"
"3 months."
"Why did it end?"
"I dunno.. he just broke it off. He just wanted to play the field again. I'm boring."
(Damn right you are.)
What can I do? She won't let go, nor will she 'give in'. Is caveman the answer?
I pick her up and lift her only to realize she's really heavy. "LOL, so this is your P90x huh? You can't even lift a girl. You suck. This is why we shouldn't date each other. At least my other boyfriend worked out with me everyday. You're a whiner who can't even wake up early."
"Haha, whatevers."
"Whatevers. You're so lame. Seriously you have the lamest comebacks ever."
"You know what, I don't think you deserve my affection." I push her off hard.
"What?!"
"Yeah, I don't think you deserve it. You can go home."
"Okay I will. I am going home."
More stares at each other. She won't go home. I look at her, she looks at me. "What a creeper.. you've got a creepy stare," she says.
"So do you. You're creepier. LOL"
"Stop mirroring me. You're such a kid."
"We should be jealous of kids, they're free to do whatever they want."
"You're just dumb. You want to be a kid all your life."
I grab her and caveman her again to kiss her. She resists again, but it goes back to old patterns again. We're doing the body rock, and this time her front kind of to me. I go for the kiss close. No dice. She moves to the side, then back, and again she's on top of me there.
It's like she gets off that way. I'm a faceless, sex giving robot.
I spin her around, and say I want to dance with her. She steps all over my feet. I push her off, she comes back on.
"You're free to go home. You can."
"I am. I'm trying hard to get in my car. You just keep stopping me."
"I'm not." I open my arms out and say, "See.. go.."
Another long awkward stare. More tension ensues. I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. I feel like I lost interest a long time ago. What a bad date... not romantic in the least bit, she's an OKC dud, hella annoying, hella qualifying... I just feel like even if I got the lay, I'd hate her long term. She wasn't that cool chick from the phone anymore. She had proved herself to be the most boring chick on the planet.
She won't leave.. so I go once more for caveman, kiss, miss, kiss elsewhere and say...
"You know I don't even care about kissing you on the lips. It makes no difference, you're still going to act like this anyway."
"Haha, what?"
"Yah, I don't really seek anything from you. I don't care about getting in your pants."
"Liar. You're totally lying now."
"Go home. No big deal. You can go :)"
"I am going. You're just a weirdo stopping me so much."
"Go home then. Not forcing you to do anything you're uncomfortable with here."
"Yeah you are. You're a total liar."
I walk away from her arms open. She looks more awkward, then gets in her car. I wave to her 'bye' and turn around walking away.
She closes the door, sits there for a while... I keep walking off, and finally she leaves.
I drive back home to Long Beach, and notice she's blocked me on OKC and Skype. So ended our 90% match made in heaven. Hey, maybe I should work for OKC as a field tester. They love gathering data for their site anyway. You guys hiring?
- Cloud
Thoughts
========
It took me a while to kind of come to senses later. I felt winded and didn't want to eat. I just went back home, where of course I had to explain the story to my roommate and my other friend online.
How could she be like that? Why do I always meet the weirdest girls? Just once I'd like to have a normal relationship like everyone else. I'm so tired of pickup. I could careless about sarging at the bar. Yet it seems like I'm always going through this shit. I might end up becoming the world's greatest pickup artist 'cause I'm just forced to keep going out all the time. I seriously envy all my friends who didn't have to go through this shit and are happily together as couples from college or high school.
Anyway, I guess I feel better today as I'm typing this. Thinking about it today, I felt like I gave this chick too much affection. Too much 'pull', not enough 'push'.
Kissing, making out, sex, touching in general... that shit is all powerful and does work on girls like a super move... but it's a reward for good behavior. I feel like as PUAs, we should be hella stingy about giving that stuff out. I gave this girl too much, and essentially it got to a point where no matter how 'bad' she acted, I continued to kiss her or hold her. I essentially trained her that she could act as boring or ugly as she wanted and I'd continue to give her affections. Terrible.
I really feel like this date opened my eyes a bit in terms of being a Casanova. If a girl is treating you shitty, just walk away. Friend zone her. Be a jerk. Flirt with her better looking friends in front of her. Tell her she's not your type. Push her away, no matter how clingy she gets. Why reward a girl for bitch like behavior? Let her try to get you back instead.
In this case she was trying hard to get me back towards the end, but she wasn't comfortable submitting either. I guess if I waited longer.. and continued to see her on multiple dates, maybe she would have been okay with letting me 'kiss' her on the lips. But what's the point?
Why should I have to work so hard for an outcome? That's the lamest fucking thing ever. I get that I'm supposed to enjoy my 'time' with this girl, it's not about any 'outcome'.
Ultimately, it's just about sharing good moments together sex or no sex. I feel like though, this whole date was a giant shit test, that really didn't need to happen. I messed up by saying initially it was okay for her to be boring, to not dress up, or act in any sort of sexy fantasy roleplay for me. I messed up because I said I would still find her attractive as an utterly boring, rude insensitive creature. We guys are NOT attracted to boring. Why ever settle for it then? I think part of the excitement from having a quality lover is finding someone you can have sexy roleplays with.. and I believe even girls feel good when they can make your wildest fantasies come true. So why reward bad behavior, shitty fantasies, or whatever... NEVER again. Intolerable.
I also blame being too comfortable with her, to a point where it could get super boring.. where I could allow her to be that way. A date should be fun and adventurous, if we both know each other so well, to the point we're finding it okay to be our boring best... what the hell is wrong with us? All the mystery is gone out of the date.
Plus, dates are meant to spend time with the person you love, not with the person you barely know. I feel dates work way better after you've fucked a chick.
Well, that's that...
I'm thinking of taking a break from PUA, and just focusing on getting a job. I don't really care about anything else until I take care of my financial situation. Maybe I'll see you guys around the block though as I'm out in the LA area for a while.
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