Shakeshi from CC gave me a call last night about the HB Crush incident.
"Cloud, listen to me. You need to stop giving a crap about what these girls think of you. So she calls you a player. SO WHAT?", he said.
"What do I say to that?" , I asked.
"You don't have to say anything. Laugh it off. Who cares!"
"What if she pressures me?"
"You put her in her place. Tell her you're trying to have a good time with her this evening, and not to be disrespectful. If she continues, you tell her to go home."
His advice was just to stay grounded. "It's really simple, it doesn't have to be complicated. You don't have to take everything a girl says literally. I've read a lot of your reports, and whenever you failed, you always beat yourself up about the little things at the end. I say, stop worrying about what you did wrong and be less outcome dependent."
Shakeshi continued, "So what if she says to you 'We're not having sex tonight!'"
"You say to her, cool I wasn't thinking about sex either!" "Then you plow forward."
"What if she doesn't want to do anything physical with me?", I asked.
"You let her go home. She's either there to have fun with you or go home." "You should have no problem 'nexting' her if she gets out of line. If she's still hanging around, you continue being fun. Don't take what a woman says to you as black or white… you want to read between the lines and be the chase."
"I think you could have sealed the deal man," Shakeshi said.
"What, how?", I asked.
"She was at your place man. You killed it by allowing yourself to fall into her frame that she thought you were some player. She was extremely attracted to you, for her to go all the way back to your place. You broke the tension by qualifying yourself to her as her 'perfect' guy. You took everything she said literally. You need to stop doing that from now on and look at the larger picture. If she didn't want sex with you fine, you don't care. You tell her she can go home. If she goes home, you're cool with it. If she doesn't want to go home, and begins wanting you to let her stay, you take it as her wanting you to keep going in your escalation. Don't read into the shit tests so much."
(I thought of when I laid Singergirl for the 2nd time. During that time, Singergirl got really pissed when I told her I thought of her just as a friend, after we had had so much sex. She began crying and telling me it was over. I kept telling her I didn't want to lose her, but she didn't care. She was really angry and wanted to leave.
She even got up to pack her things. In that instance, I actually got angry too. I told her she could leave. I didn't care anymore for her. I actually felt repulsed she wanted a relationship so bad from me. I didn't say those things out loud, but in my actions, it sorta spoke. Instead I just said, "..yeah you should go home. I'm not for you. Find someone else. You will. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
This had the opposite effect on her. She wanted me to really want to get her back. Because I was like whatever, she started crying more. She then begged me to not leave her. Eventually, I took her back and we had sex a few more times. I still didn't like her though after.. because I felt she was way too needy for me. I could feel for an instant … how Crush must have felt when I started trying to apologize and win her back.. she must have felt disgusted too. But the key here, was I flipped Singergirl from putting me into a frame of chasing her into a frame of her chasing me… because I was ready to lose her.
This was exactly what Shakeshi was talking about.. what I should have done with Crush.)
"You have to be willing to lose in order to gain," he said.
"So what does this mean Shakeshi? Will I always be the bad guy then? Never a good guy? Do I just need to be bad to girls? If I do nice guy stuff.. will it fail?" I asked. "I like doing good guy things too.. what if I want to buy her flowers or jewelry or something? I know so many people outside of the community that have normal relationships… where the guy gives flowers and the girls totally love it. I never hear those girls calling their guys bad guys".
(I thought about the time I had made out with HBK. It was really good, but she continued to call me a bad boy, a player, and all sorts of nonsensical things.. even though she liked me so much. My situation with Crush and TVgirl were exactly the same.. the girls ended up thinking I was a player and didn't want my gifts when I tried to show them I cared. )
"Don't do it. It's too easy and comes off very unimpressive to a girl. You look like you're trying to win her with money. Stop that shit. They won't fall for it. You need to impress her with your creativity. SHOW her you're an imaginative, awesome guy. Be able to turn every day situations into fun, exciting moments for you and her. That's what you want to focus on, not cheap jewelry or flowers. That shit doesn't show her you care about her at all.. especially if there's no significance behind them or she has no memory to tie it back to. Don't make her feel like she's being bought by you. Focus on making her enjoy her time with you not the presents."
"I gave HBK stuff..", I said to Shakeshi, "..hoping she'd like me and not think of me as a bad boy. I wanted her to be my girlfriend." I said.
"You put too much pressure on her. That's why it was cheap. You wanted to win her over with junk instead of giving her what she really wanted. You were giving her what she wanted before, but when you shut that off and became like every other guy trying to court her… that's when you lost her."
("Man.. this is mind-blowing", I thought.)
"How do I move forward from here?"
"Just be grounded. Don't read into what they're saying. If she calls you a player, you don't care. You just make sure you don't be supplicating. When you start doing that.. you lose her."
"You've got what it takes to get these girls to go out with you, you can get laid, and you're still young. You have plenty of time. Don't beat yourself over the small stuff. Just be grounded as to who you are. Don't let shit other people say to you get to you. If someone's ruining your day, tell em to fuck off. If they want to play, they'll stay around. You'll be able to feel this out after a while. Just be sure you're always the most fun you can be, plow, and offer a genuinely good time to others."
Shakeshi also talked about how despite being in his forties, short, and not necessarily attractive -- he still manages to get beautiful women to sleep with him.
"I stay grounded to who I am. I tell a woman straight up that I want to fuck her, and if she doesn't like it, she can go about her own way. I get a lot of shit tests… a girl I once went out with told me she didn't find me attractive at all, she wanted to date my friend."
"How did you end up sleeping with her?"
"I kept plowing forward. I was always straightforward about my intention, and even when she shit test, I stayed grounded. I got a lot of shit.. believe me.. she gave me tons of reasons why she thought we shouldn't be together. I told her if she really thought that way go ahead and find someone else. There was a lot of bs in between, but I was never outcome dependent, and we ended up having sex. When a woman sees you are congruent she begins to respect you more than if you say one thing and mean another."
Thoughts
========
Shakeshi's phone call was really good. I think moving forward, I have to be the guy who stays grounded. If a woman is giving me a shit storm parade, I have to put her in her place. If she's calling me a player, it is a sign she likes me, but I have to show her I'm also genuine. If I start supplicating, it feels cheap to her, because every guy does that to her. That's why Crush could say to me stuff like, "Oh, every guy says that… you must have rehearsed that shit." If she saw instead, a guy who was just interested in enjoying the moment and telling her to either join in or get lost, she would have joined in instead, because she'd have felt that genuine sense of connection. There's no connection to be established from being supplicating.
I read this article today by Braddock from Love Systems. Condor, a wing I met last night gave me the link this morning. In the article, Braddock ran into a similar girl to Crush who called him out as a player. For a while, Braddock didn't care and was stacking forward, using takeaways to make her feel loss, until the girl really brought on the storm. Then Braddock called her out for being disrespectful and told her if she really wanted to ruin the night, she could leave. She ended up sleeping with him instead because she was attracted to his ability to stay grounded.
Here's the link to that article: http://www.theattractionforums.com/field-reports/107154-lay-report-epic-same-night-lay.html
Moving forward, I can see myself being more congruent. This has been a major week for my game.. I've already learned a few life lessons:
1) Don't dwell on failure. It eats up hours of your life. You feel generally happier when you try, because you give yourself more opportunities to fail or SUCCEED. Always be strong like this.
It's like Snoop said in 'The Next Episode'… "Come back get back, that's the part of success, if you believe in the S, you be relievin' yo stress".
:D
2) Don't take things as black and white, see the bigger picture and be outcome independent.
3) Be congruent. Keep things simple. If they aren't, make them simple. She can either be a part of your fun world or get out. This is another sign of strength.. a DHV.
4) Be creative, not supplicating. Supplicating = cheap. Creative gives way to increased attraction.
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