Feedback for HBCrush Incident from CC 8-17-10

I received a lot of good responses from CC regarding how I should have handled the situation… reposting the commentary (note if you don't want your commentary or handle here.. please contact me). Hopefully this feedback helps others in my situation:


Pink wrote:
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Crazy psychotic girl is crazy psychotic. Proceed with caution and consider moving.

Really, though, that behavior doesn't sound like anti-slut defense going on. It sounds like a girl with serious trust and personality issues. Learn to spot those character traits and turn them into jetfuel so you can boogie your ass out of that date as fast as you can.


JoRock wrote:
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What the fuck!

I feel like I just seen an episode of cheaters... Awful bro...You let the emotions get in the way....

I think when you said this ...

"I see other girls, but I like you.. so that's why I am dating you tonight. Forget about the other girls. I don't want to think about them, I just want to be with you. If it woks out, I want to continue seeing you, not them." As good as that sounded, she didn't buy it."

The whole fucken thing was off....

My guess is that this girl has been hit on by so many guys that shes immune to good looks and therefore screens for the perfect mate.. As soon as she framed you as a player, you fueled it by showing her and telling her all that shit.... You dont take a chick over unless you're gonna lay her....

shortyB wrote:
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I was in a kind of similar situation. Some girl who I went on a first date with. Got her in the back seat and she got extremely mad when I tried to kiss her. So I got nervous, and when I get nervous I cant help what I say.. so... I told her " shut up dont act like you dont want to kiss me , only thing holding you back is because you think im a player, but you want me because im exciting. Her: uhm yea your not kissing me Me: You see your just repeating yourself because your nervous and dont know what to say

Her: Uhm, Me: shut up and come here " kisses her"

You were doing good until you started falling into her frame. Letting her go threw your shit? really bro? Shes not your mother, shes not your father, her being in your life is like an interview, and she failed. It is your fault because you did not set any ground rules,and let her behavior continue. She wants to act like a child, treat her like a child.

Hope this helps man

Pyro wrote:
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Good report brah. Your single biggest mistake was you were INCONGRUENT and fell right into her frame every time. Like all girls she has a strong attraction to badboys and players, but unlike most women she is actually consciously aware of it. She's been burned many times or had her heart broken in the past. She's created a brickwall to protect herself even though its all meaningless in the end as she always falls for the badboy again and again.

Where you failed is your approach was all wrong. You amped up the sexual energy, got touchy feely, lead dominantly and got all her player triggers set off(which is good) then you made the mistake of assuming that if you opened up your walls down for her and revealed yourself then she'd take you in as genuine and not a player. Exact opposite happened and she see's you as disingenuous and rationalizes your 'opening up' as an act to get into her pants. She now has a reason to lose attraction.

Do not open yourself up like a book with a women like this so quickly, ie remain a mystery, be a challenge. People are naturally drawn to what they cannot have or fully understand.

I've said this before and really mean it. What a girl says and what she means are VERY different.

Cloud wrote:
"No, you're a player. How many times have you rehearsed that line? You just want me to fall for you so you can sleep with me."

Chick translation: I always end up falling for badboys, players, douches and your triggering all the right buttons.

You respond: And what is it about players you like so much? You've obviously fallen for quite a few?

She'll probably say she "Hates them, they're all douchebags."

Chick translation: They spike my emotions and keep me on my toes. I can never guess who they are or what they want so I sleep with them to validate to myself I mean something to them.

You respond: I think you like a man who understands what turns women on. A man who allows a women to be herself.

Cloud wrote:
"How many other girls are you seeing this week?"

Chick translation: I'm starting to really get attracted to you but I get jealous very quickly and don't want to get hurt.

You Respond: Aw, first date and your jealous already? That's so cute.

Cloud wrote:
"I feel safer with you even though you're a douche. You're safer than all the other douche bags."

Chick translation: Why do I always fall for douchebags?! Maybe cause they are strong, congruent and make me feel safe and comfortable.

You: People feel comfortable around/with me. I make sure they do.

Cloud wrote:
I felt like things were finally going to work out with this beautiful girl and I could see myself enjoying my life with her. I even bought her an extra pie for her brother, out of good will -- hoping to meet her family at some point.

Really bro? Supplication. Big mistake. You just went from player-douche who spikes all the right fun emotions to guy who losses all the mystique. I guarantee you NONE of the douchebag players she's attracted to buy her brother pies on the first date. Very needy and supplicating behavior. You killed the attraction here. Stop doing this.

Cloud wrote:
We looked at more Facebook photos, and then she began wanting to know all about my life again. She pressured me into showing my Facebook pictures to her, then asked me about the other girls in my life.

Again why would you agree to this? You are falling right into her qualification frame and opening up way to quickly. Killing any mystery or mystique about yourself to a girl who obviously finds those qualities attractive. Don't give a girl what she wants. Learn the power of the word NO. it's a powerful word because attractive women hear it so rarely from men.

Cloud wrote:
"You know what, I want to help you out… maybe we can just be friends you know… since it's not working out," she said. "Those other girls you're dating.. they're hot… go after them! I'll be your wingwoman".

"No. Go home."

You reacted to her EXACTLY how she expected. She took away her magical pussy and you actually cared, you pouted like a whiney little mangina. Do you think players, douches she fucks on the side act like that? If she said that to me I'd go straight into a rich description:

"Okay, help my answer this question. I've been trying this new technique with this girl from last week. She loves it when I spread her open on my bed and get her to cum with my two fingers. Then again Molly from this tuesday was even better. She does this thing with her tongue that feels amazing. It feels like women just use me for sex." I'd say it while eye phucking her make her realize I don't give fuck.

This is YOU being genuine to the person she thinks you are. Player=sexual. Not player=opening up and sharing his feelings.

Cloud wrote:
"I'M BUSY. SORRY, I ALREADY HAVE PLANS. I'M GOING TO THE CLUB AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. LOTS OF OTHER GUYS WILL HIT ON ME, AND I'LL PROBABLY GET LOTS OF NUMBERS!"

"Come on, be nice. We had a great time, don't act like that."

"Nope. Last date ever!!"

LMAO you got shut down hard man. This 'player' mentality she has. That should be YOUR mentality! She's explicitly just told you what kind of man she's attracted to and you revert back to apologizing. Epic Fail.

Play it chill, you have high standards so not every girl is your future gf. Just be smooth, kino and be playful/fun and make her qualify herself. First date is about all about qualifying this person--not opening up so much until an emotional investment has been built. Especially with a girl like this. Think yourself, why should I waste my time seeing this person again?

fallout wrote:
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Thank you for posting this. I think a lot of newer guys in this community, are under the impression you have to do everything you can to be cool and impress a girl. And if she isn't impressed it's your fault.

While I would handle certain aspects differently to suit my personality. I don't think you really did anything wrong. This girl was a little bitchy for being on a date with someone. First impressions are said to be most important. Based on your writing she seemed very rude and it's easy to see why she is still single.

Cloud wrote:
I asked her what she wanted to know about me. That's when the shit storm began… and man it was bad. "What's the longest you've ever been in a relationship?", she asked. "About 6 months…" "Wow, really ONLY 6 months?? WHY? Are you a loser..? You can't stay in a relationship for a long time huh… that tells me something about how this relationship will turn out too."
As a rule of thumb I don't like to talk about my or a girls previous relationships it's in the past, it didn't work out let's move on. Unless she has a kid or some other circumstance where the ex is gonna come up later in our relationship.

When she called you a loser.... I would have let her know that her statements are offensive and if this is the way she acts on a first date, that tells me something about how this relationship will turn out too.

Cloud wrote:
You must do this to all the girls.. How many other girls are you seeing this week?"

I already feel like the gloves are off. This girl is ridiculous. Give her ridiculous answers.

her: How many other girls are you seeing this week?
me: Actually I have to cut our date a little short, because I have 2 other dates tonight. Honestly stop being paranoid and let's enjoy our time.

Cloud wrote:
"I see other girls, but I like you.. so that's why I am dating you tonight. Forget about the other girls. I don't want to think about them, I just want to be with you. If it woks out, I want to continue seeing you, not them." As good as that sounded, she didn't buy it.

"No, you're a player. How many times have you rehearsed that line? You just want me to fall for you so you can sleep with me."

I want girls to believe I can date any girl I want. I don't want them to know I am dating every girl I want. Recommend not stating you are seeing other girls... That doesn't make the current girl feel special. You're a Casanova, and he didn't let his other ho's know he was fucking everyone else.

her: "How many times have you rehearsed that line? You just want me to fall for you so you can sleep with me."
me: I reherse it every night in the mirror before I go to bed.

Cloud wrote:
Then everything went to hell. I busted out my laptop with her next to me on the couch. We looked at more Facebook photos, and then she began wanting to know all about my life again. She pressured me into showing my Facebook pictures to her, then asked me about the other girls in my life. I brushed it off again, but she felt like I was lying. Then she went into my OKCupid account, pressuring me that if I truly did 'love her' I'd be open with her and let her see. She wanted to review all the messages I had with other girls.


I let her, and told her it was all BS. Then she said "You truly are a player.. look at all these cheesy lines.. I think you even used some of these on me! You know what, I think you don't really love me. You're just after sex aren't you! OMG what is this -- you're reading Pickup Artist forums??"

You got owned! I bet now you wish you didn't have Firefox save your passwords for you... I think you learned your own lesson here. Girls on your computer == bad.

I think you did fine for what you had to work with. When you did give her a good answer, she accused you of rehearsing, when you gave her a bad answer she made fun of you. Sounds like more trouble than she's worth.

I think it's weird she said it's the last date but hugged you goodbye. lol this girl is crazy, but is she hot enough to be crazy?



groundhog wrote:
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you really got me to think... I had quite a few instances like that. No matter what i tried, none of them ended with sex on that same date. well, some went through later, but never on that same night.

My two cents:

1. you can't break down and pour your heart out on her demand. (IT DID NOT WORK!)

2. stand on your groud firmly and let her know those behaviours are not welcome. ( she will soften, trust me.)

3. it just hit me, but I never tried: the reason she tested you so much was, in my opinion, she was afraid you were a player, you wanted to take something from her. So if you can eliminate this doubt in her , proving you are a giver, she might calm down and open up. for example, you can say" I understand, if I were you, I don't want to date a player either." then help her to identify the traits of players.

I am not telling you to say those thing to manipulate her. I truely believe that as a man, you should be a giver. and help her in ways you can and will.

TheNinja wrote:
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I would pay close attention to Pyro's post, its $$.

The winggirl part wouldn't have been bad. You could have used her as a pivot to get more girls... but of course you were crazy about her, so that wouldn't have worked out.

Again, Pyro's post said it all. Live and learn bro.