On Sunday, I cut out my wing girl from my life.
Why?
She was too much of a negative person; while originally I welcomed her 'shit tests' for mental practice, it got annoying after a while... it was had for me to stay 'confident' and positive in myself. She'd put tons of limiting beliefs in my mind -- saying stuff to me like.. “You’ll never be like Condor or a badass hip hop dancer like your friend; you’re a nice guy, stop trying to be something you aren’t. Let girls accept you for you. Stop going for girls out of your league.”
While this sounds like ‘helpful’ advice; it’s so wrong... not something a wing girl should be telling you. Someone who’s your wing should support you trying to push yourself harder each and every day. If anything, she should be saying, “Hey get the fuck back out there and practice”, not “Oh just be yourself”.
I told her how I felt about this stuff, but she felt I was completely wrong and misguided by the community. Well, it got worse when she broke a promise to me, and talked about a personal issue I told her not to talk about to anyone, and broadcasted it to her friends on AIM.
That was hella annoying. On top of that when I called her out, she labeled me as petty and insecure; instead of accepting fault for something she did. What a bitch. She can’t apologize, only put blame on others -- that’s why I can’t trust her on advice - it's all judgmental shit. She’s blinded by her inflated ego that believes she's only right, which keeps her from being humble.
Also, in many other situations, she was also rude to a lot of my friends, and couldn't refrain from always cussing and being vulgar. Maybe it was the relationship we had; I allowed her to be so vulgar for so long because I didn't man up and tell her to stop otherwise. That weakness in me allowed her to continue doing as she pleased. The worst was when she started routinely calling me a 'douchebag', 'retarded', 'loser', every other day. It wasn't just fun & games anymore.. she was seriously stepping out of line.
When I asked her to be polite, she told me to fuck off, she could say whatever she wanted and I had no business trying to tell her what to do.
That was the last straw for me, so I cut her off. Defriended her on Facebook, blocked on AIM, Skype, Gmail, etc. She got mad at me for being suddenly ‘strong’... and said I’m just a weak person really who’s bitter, something about how I need her, she doesn’t need me. Wasn’t there a Denzel quote, “the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room?”
Well, the thing I learned from the experience of it all though was, having a wing girl is not really that desirable for a guy in PUA training. The main problem is, they act like your best friend -- but you can never game them. But by being friends.. you allow them to see all your weaknesses; almost to a point that’s too intimate of a relationship to give to someone you’ll never fuck.
They say stuff like, “Oh practice with me.. I’ll help you with shit tests, etc.” But you can’t really practice, because in true game - you have so many other elements at your disposal - kino, NLP, k-closing.. most of the time when we as guys want to handle a shit test, it’s not about having a great ‘comeback’; we rely on other techniques - especially playful kino (ie slapping playfully).
Plus, driving up your wing girl’s BT does nothing for you; because you’ve already put in your mind that you’ll never fuck her.
Eventually I realized to direct my energy at other girls.
When I started telling my wing girl about other girls I was dating, she’d put them down and criticize my judgment. I found myself asking, why do I need to tell her about who I see?
She got mad I began to ignore her in my life and kept wondering why I wasn't asking her out again.. it was driving her ego nuts.
“If you can’t even deal with my shit tests, how are you ever going to deal with an actual girlfriend?”, she’d ask.
The answer came to me -- Badboy put it best; “Never deal with a woman’s shit if you’re NOT FUCKING HER.” She'd never be my girlfriend, so that's why I couldn't put up with her shit. Knowing that made me not want to practice with her, because it was useless... we'd try to imagine some other girl in my mind, but every time we'd do that, the girl of my dreams would have my wing girl's personality and eventually become the wing girl instead. It was a disturbing thought. My dream girl doesn't act like my wing girl; my wing girl is coarse and vulgar; my dream girl is witty, a bit nerdy but cute, and a little wild. I could never seriously stay with my wing girl for a long time as a result; but my dream girl, yeah forever. :)
To me, if you want a wing girl just for the social proof element, say like, to get in clubs only, keep her at a distance. Don’t try to get super close to her, and don't feel like you have to entertain her at all through the night. She’s a pawn. Pretend she's just a ticket to get in, then you get access to hotter women.
Also DON’T drive with her. Let her meet you there.. because if you find a girl you like, and you have to take your wing girl back too, it’s awkward and fucks up your logistics. Plus the wing girl can fuck things up more by acting retarded -- like mine embarrassed some of my friends by cursing like a sailor and made me look like I was retarded because I tolerated it.
The fact she got so close to me allowed her to know too many intimate details about me; much which made me extremely vulnerable.. so it was easy for her to get in my mind and fuck it up with terrible inner game beliefs. I spent most of my September walking around fucked up.
(It’s funny cause I told Bird that it was like in an RPG where you meet a strong opponent boss, who casts the ‘confuse’ spell on you, which makes you attack yourself and your teammates. My wing girl kind of did that to me; I had the 'Confuse' status effect for almost a month affecting my sarge nights out with my wingmen. So glad I finally broke the confuse spell).
I was able to break out of confusion by just believing in myself -- thank god I wrote the older posts earlier in the year and reminded myself I can get laid. :) That’s why having a success sheet is so important.
So that’s my success -- breaking free of all the BS and being my confident self again.
- Cloud
Lessons Learned:
- Be careful who you let into your life.
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, reinforce positive thoughts and frames of mind; ignore people who are negative and constantly put things down -- dealing with that all the time leads to doubt and feeling less confident.
- A wing girl should only be used for social proof; a ticket to get in, and she needs to drive to meet you there.
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